The bellows,
before story and story teller,
before distinction and definition,
before light and dark.
From the great vacuum of emptiness,
the material universe was breathed into form.
The pumping bellows open an invisible seem,
a portal without definition,
that allows life to spill forth,
in the greatest of all mysterious.
Search for the opening,
it cannot be found.
The action of the bellows is universal throughout all aspects of existence,
from the infinitesimal to the infinite,
from the activity of neutrons to the rotation of planetary bodies,
the source the same.
This, the great mystery, can never be defined. It can only be felt.
The bellows of our body,
the lung,
the portal to the universe
draws in through our nose
to circulate animation throughout every aspect of our human life;
our thoughts,
our action,
our anatomy,
our physiology,
our consciousness.
Breathing brakes the shackles of bondage in the body-mind continuum,
freeing the power of the bellows to pulse life through the body.
The lung initiates the movement of the bellows,
mechanically pumping life giving air into the body,
respiration should know no boundary or limit,
as the very body is able to breathe in the bath of universal energy,
every fiber and nerve in rhythmic synchronicity.
Physical respiration leads to full body respiration,
in sync with universal respiration,
the energetic pulsation of all life- visible or invisible.
Quiet the mind,
to open the bellows,
so the spirit can pulsate in rhythm with the universe.

Staggering in blindness,
We scream from the mountain top, 
“I will dwell here forever!” 
This is pleasure.
We moan and wail deep in the valley,
“Liberate me!” 
This is pain. 

Life is movement ,
Up and down,
Without cessation.

We walk into illusion, 
the mountain top our destination. 
Frantically we search for a path that will lead us to this imaginary place of endless bliss, accomplishment, and permanence. 

Me, the prisoner and the prison guard, 
the wanderer and the enslaved,
the shackled and the freed.

Oh the endless seeking!
Infinitely we search,
pursuing the exit, never to escape.
Failing to see,
vision fills only with blindness,
leading us deeper into illusion,
narrowed perception,
Ignorance. 

There is no destination.
Humanity, a vibrant sea of temporary vibrations,
falsely pursuing solid ground in a universe of oscillating emptiness. 

The ups and downs do not define life. 
Life is found somewhere in the middle, 
in the flow, 
in a space that is always shifting, 
expanding and contracting, 
breathing pulsation. 

This high is the birth place of the next low.

Our destination is not on high or to resign to the bottom. 
Life is found in process, 
in the movement between the poles,
found in acceptance,
the middle.
Resolution of opposites,
The sun that rises must set,
Life promises death,
Possession leads only to loss,
Joy begets sadness,
Freedom is not the opposite of constraint!
Change the only constant,
Life never ceases.

Be aware of the poles, our attachment, and aversion,  
they send us chaotically bouncing back and forth, 
up and down without reference, 
violently thrashing our way through life, 
never escaping reaction. 

Insight is our only hope to find balance and health, 
to see the nature of all life, 
to know the way. 

There is no where to go,
 you are already here.

The surface is effected by the storm.
Do not trust the social surface,
it is a mere projection, 
a fabrication for survival,
compensation for insecurity, 
self esteem inflation,
the comfy comfort of delusion and illusion.

Surface storms do not disturb the calm of center, deep waters within. 
We race in reaction across the surface of this eternal tranquility, 
a tranquility we unknowingly carry everyday, 
yet we never allow ourselves to basking in the waters of it’s peace,
surviving not thriving.

Dive deep into the sensory mind,
the dark ocean within,
to the place feelings dwell,
where the whales wail of agony and joy as one,
follow the haunting call
release my line
this is my direction,
inward, 
down into the depths of reality,
passing through the surface of I and me, 
illusion of permanence,
ego structure, 
passing fantasy and fear, 
re-uniting joy and pain, 
blending darkness and light.

Quiet your mind, 
a reality beyond thoughts,
observing not acting.
Dive deep,
follow the whales, 
they know the way.

Old picture albums capture the grander and joy of yesterday,
all that mattered so much, no longer occupies reality, did it even happen?
Faded back into dust and patchy memories.

Life and death are tied, 
to live is to die,
one is not good and the other bad,
they are one.

Generation after generation,
We cling to life as if it was our own. 
Desperate for permanence, possession and meaning. 
Our great loss is created only by our foolish attempts to possess,
my life, 
my mother, 
my friends, 
my child. 
They are not ours to keep only passing moments in an endless continuum, 
arising and passing,
in majestic impermanence.

Death is not the end just as birth was not the beginning.
Energy can neither be created or destroyed, 
only transferred and transformed. 

Love does not die, love is the medium of all life,
transcending both time and space.
Love does not end,
love transfers, 
transmits,
transmutes,
transforms,
changes,
love passes on,
in continuous consciousness.

This great sorrow we feel is tied to our desire to posses the connection and joy we shared, moments that have long ago passed. 
There is so much joy in my sadness,
this sadness defines that I loved and connected.
Sorrow is our yearning to make the transient permanent. 
Sorrow is the defining moment of our attachment to possessive love. 

This image of self is all that dies,
our illusion of possession is all that fades.

The forest is weeping.

Each smile only promises sadness,
This “I” enslaves me to loss,
This self guarantees only sorrow.

We build ourselves up so high, 
we cry and wail when we fall.

This illusion of individuality can not resist the weight of the universe, 
this ignorance can not last, 
this delusion will not sustain. 
A fabrication of fantasy,
a grand effort made only in vain,
this “separation” only grants the Return. 

Can I hold the pain of sorrow in my moments of joyful pleasure? 
Can I be whole to live life without fragmentation? 
Can I embrace loneliness surrounded by many? 
Can I simply accept the flow without attempts of possession or promotion? 

Can I accept sorrow and death as I seek joy and life?

Each tear drop was born in laughter,
go into the vacuum of darkness,
smiling at your tears. 
Metta

Competitive lust fading,
Craving for acknowledgment lessening,
Accomplishment no longer the magnet of the compass,
Society is not the orbit,
Culture not the flow, 
Social communion not the center,
Desire to have others understand ME no longer driving.
I only know myself through looking beyond ME. 
No longer feeding image.... 
diminishing. 
Leading with innocence not arrogance.
Standing alone yet connected to everything and everyone. 

My blood no longer blood,
A river flowing.
My bones no longer bones,
Rocks of the earth.
My hair and beard no longer hair,
Leaves and moss of the trees. 
My lungs no longer lungs,
The breathing forest.
My breath no longer breath,
A great wind. 
My kidneys no longer kidneys,
A vast sea. 
My heart no longer my heart,
The pulsation of the universe.

Elven magic, 
Tree communicator, 
Wizard's wisdom, child like, as ancient as stone,
Whale soul,
Reptilian transcendence,
Change embracer, 
Beyond the sensorium,
Collected stardust is reality,
Vibration and combustion,
Eternal.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

            ~Robert Frost

At the moment of insight into the ways of this world we arrive at this fork in the road. Our insight offers a potential that teeters on a thin line between two paths that are infinitely different.

One path leads to cynicism, bitterness, judgement and resentment as we focus on the chasms between the truth we feel and the world in which we live.  We begin to tear down others with a great viciousness; judging and categorizing in a blind defense and promotion of self. If we choose this rabbit hole of negative judgmental thinking, no matter how justified it is by what we see in the world, we prescribe ourselves to a lifetime of endless darkness and fear. We become trapped in the road block of comparison, using others to boost or tear ourselves down. This road leads to the dead end of the status-quo, safety in numbers but no longer moving, a rationalized existence.  Just because this rabbit hole exists does not mean we have to live in it.  

The other path leads to introspection and the acceptance that we are this world, that through our own thoughts we are the creators of the world, we are the judge, jury and executioner. By turning our sword inward we see that the world in which we live has its origins in our very thoughts, our selfishness, and our greed. The less traveled road requires that we look into the harsh reality of the mirror and face our vulnerabilities and reality of our thoughts.  It is easier to stand on the sidelines and criticize than it is to jump into the game and face the mirror of truth. It is easier to blame and judge than it is to accept and find compassion. 

The great irony is how we so easily choose the path of negativity.  It has been set up for us, appears easier, and seemingly offers more “control”; that no longer requires work and protects us from vulnerability. In the name of ease we choose a life without growth, relying on stagnant definitions and judgements. Negativity offers us a false sense of control and we, who live in such a chaotic world, will always instinctively choose control over chaos, even if the control is false and leads to our own spiritual enslavement. 

The road less traveled, on the other hand is difficult. It requires breaking down conditioned thought patterns that for much of our life we have seen as truths. “Truths” that have kept us safe in the night.  It requires facing our very impermanence. It requires a hard look at the depth of our ignorance. It is the breakdown of the false control we cling to and then the subsequent fall into the abyss of chaos.  To see that our opinions and ideas only carry a thin veil behind which lies only self-promotion.  To face that we as a species know nothing.  To see that what we call “our” thoughts, ideas and beliefs are just the recycled thoughts and conditioning of thousands of years, lacking any originality or authority in the realm of what is truth.

Both roads presented like this do not sound inviting.  One filled with stagnation, cynicism and bitterness, the other full of vulnerability, hard work and painful growth. One road leads to an endless darkness, but the other leads to light.

The road less traveled is actually a royal road, full of the real reward we seek, happiness, freedom and love. This is difficult to convey in words and can only be realized with experience. These treasures are hidden by the gateway of vulnerability, a threshold that many fear to cross.  When we see the depth of this conditioned reality through deep objective introspection, when we face our conditioned selfishness, expectations, definitions, opinions, and memories, when we strip all that away, we are left with the very source of the universe, LOVE.  An unconditional universal love that can only be found when we remove the shackles of expectation and choose to live in the freedom that comes with the acceptance of what is.

This is not love that we have chased and idolized our whole lives. It is not a love full of expectations and possession, it is not a love of lust and control.  It is a love of compassion for ignorance and struggle of every human that is rooted in the compassion we find for ourselves.  Only through introspection into our own struggles, ignorance and hypocrisy can we ever hope to find empathy and compassion for our fellow beings. The mirror, an object of alchemy, will transmute darkness and reflect back light. 

We arrive at this fork in the road over and over again throughout our days and throughout our lives. We are constantly choosing our path as we encounter the endless onslaught of life.  We often choose without knowing, unconsciously and out of rote habits and routine patterns. We must break this pattern, become conscious of the choice. We must trade in our looking glasses for a mirror and find the source within us all. The road less travelled is long, but the rewards are immediate.

It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world - Chaos Theory

Small changes at the center have drastic complex effects at the periphery. 

From the origin of the universe or the spiraling outward of a single cell into a complex organism, the fractal movement of the universe is the propagation of a simple pattern outward into greater complexity. We find this in all aspects of our universe.  From a single undifferentiated cells we spiral out exponentially into a complex beings with over 30 trillion highly differentiated cells, yet every single one of those cells came from the same simple origin. A small corruption of the center can have disastrous effects on the whole, as when a negative mutation occurs in the organizing of DNA which can create ravishing birth defects.

The consciousness of mankind has followed this same pattern.  Simple distinction of thought that seem simple and organic in origin propagates outward in exponential growth. We took a wrong turn in our thoughts and understating of life that have now grown from simple ideas to complex and destructive systems of oppression and violence.

What were those changes?

My GOD, your god
Acceptance of tradition as rule
Pursuit of pleasure
Denial of pain
Division of judgement, us and them
Individual’s needs greater than the whole
Suppression of fear
Judgement of present with the past
Dominion over the nature
Pursuits of the individual pleasure as the goal of life
Labels of identity of self and others, gender, race, nationality, religion…

These simple mutations in our thoughts even if seemingly innocent, meaning not used to directly oppress others, have spiraled outward in an exponential explosion that has led to the crisis of consciousness and moral corruption that defines our world today. We continue to look to others to lead us out of this darkness or we point fingers in blame to those we label responsible.  Yet our own individual promotion, greed, religion, judgement of others, narcissism and the pursuit of our individual success and comfort is the same root of evil that we are so quick to demonize when we see it in others.  It is difficult to accept the responsibility of this truth, we are our world, our world’s consciousness is our consciousness.

In fractal growth the periphery is tied to the center, but always moving away from center. Change that starts in periphery, society/government/religion, will not affect the center, as it is still moving away from center and the corruption at the center will eventual wash over any positive change at the periphery. One oppressive regime is only replaced by the next. The rebel becomes the dictator. We have seen this countless times in our history.
  
This is the reason that change of our world can only come from the center of each individual. It is only in the resolution of the center, the heart of each individual, that can cause the same spiraling fractal effect to bring truth, meaning and morality back to this world as a whole.  

Turn off the internet and look inside, we are ruining the world with our thoughts. 

There are many reasons/perspectives to explain “whys”of our lives, the whys of our failures and successes.

But truly there is no why, only the way.

There is nowhere to run, there is nowhere to hide from the tender vulnerabilities that are the very fabric of our lives.

They tie us to the earth delicately, with the weight of the universe.

No matter where we try to hide;  drugs, alcohol, television, media, socialization, gossip, our work, our art, our thoughts, our friends, our identity, our position, our accomplishments, our beliefs, our rationalization…… in the end our tender vulnerabilities will always be waiting. They will be there at the very end.

They are our teachers, they are truth, the very hand of god. 

It is simple: do not try to run, do not try to hide from that which is ever present. Your strength and weakness are sown together along a single seam, inseparable.

To be whole we must acknowledge and accept both aspects of our self, light and shadow.

Everything that arises is bound to pass away, the beginning defines the return.

-the way

the difficult beautiful of life

Old friend
How do I tell you?
I am no longer a thing,
neither a prince,
nor an object,
I am not the hero you seek,
nor the victim I desire to be.

This is all so serious,
the greatest laugh,
sacred folly,
a holy clown.

I have seen the secret,
peeked behind the curtain,
into the ether,
the empty space,
between pride and shame,
I hate to tell you,
they are one in the same.

Oh old friend,
Are you moving?
have you been sitting there all this time?
come with me,
this heavy load will become light,
(if only I was not alone),
If you could dispatch your feelings,
upon the safety of my station,
I would gladly take them,
I can not,
this great divide is fathomless,
there is no way over,
these are your gifts to keep.

Come I have oxygen and tea,
restoration is ready for you,
here is the water!
I have a story that will give you pause, recovery, and some peace.

It is the story of the wise fool,
a being beyond their years,
perpetually out of date,
trapped in time,
dragged backwards,
to unlock stone tombs,
sealed eternally.
An endless circle backwards,
without an escape route,
Infinitely,
anchored to the past.

Empty eyes,
smiling and crying,
adding their pain,
into the openness of vulnerability,
hallow and unguarded,
standing in solitude,
holding up the walls.

“Surely you can bear our load,
what is one more tragedy for you?”

Connection is in abundance,
the effort is to sync,
I do not see things your way,
do you hear yourself?
you seek a solution for seeking,
a destination for this endless journey,
a way out from right here,
still hungry for last night’s feast,
still aching from yesterday’s famine,
Oh! this narrative,
This narrative of the past.

Break the script.

Growth is possible,
not through the resolution of yesterday’s tragedies,
not through the celebration of past triumphs,
you can’t go back,
there is no road,
the path does not lead that way.

Empathic diminishment,
I do not know what to do with your smiles?
Where do I put these tears?
Old Friend,
I do not know how to tell,
I am leaving,
I have left.
No longer am I where you see me,
no longer am I this object,
a creation from your pain,
a deflection of your sadness.
The mirror that you fear,
earning deeply for.

Trust me.
I am not afraid to look,
To see my conceit,
My greed,
My horror,
My addictive ghost....
always hungry.
Ok what? It is there.
It is there!
Let’s face it together with fiery tears and cool refreshing laughter!
Yes, laughter!
Our shield from the erosive cancer of self importance.

I suffer only for I!

Remember when we were little,
I don’t,
I can not feel it,
it has become lost.
All I have is empty words,
scattered patchy memories,
mere shadows of the powerful feeling that once occupied me,
then they vanished into the curtain of time and impermanence.
Poof! they are gone.
Vanished forever.

Only a restless demon wants me to remembers,
to relive,
to bring back from death,
in a mutilated and lifeless form,
the candle’s last flicker.
Bending an imaginary imagine of what was,
warping truth to exist,
commanding my perpetual dysfunction;

These are my habits,
These are my ideas,
These are my preferences,
These are my expectations,
This is my stagnancy.

Blinded ambition,
to resolve the unresolvable,
what was owed,
what was given,
this debt that imprisons us,
always willing itself to life from dissatisfaction,
birthed by resentment of unfulfilled expectations and fantasies,
a moment kept alive thorough the addiction to the illusion of permanence.
I must matter!
I must fix this!
Hear me scream!
Hear me wail!
Here I am!
In all my misery.
Sleepless skeletons rule my world,
ridged with justice for cases closed long ago,
burning with importance,
demanding court.
This is MY view,
my trauma lens,
how I see all things,
the present blinded by the past.

As each moment arises and passes,
only a shadow is left behind,
be aware of it’s presence,
do not follow this shadow,
it leads only to death,
the death of growth and awareness,
away from eternity,
the eternity and immortality of now.
Death is our past and our future.
Life is right now!
Immortality is not becoming permanent
It is the awareness of the endlessness of the present moment.

Old friend,
former self,
yesterday’s sweet love,
last night’s cutting sorrow,
let me be now,
let new love die,
free this moment from your bondage,
Goodbye old friend.

We bang our heads against dead wood,
Demanding water!
Help me I am thirsty!!!

I live in an Emotional soup,

a porridge of embryonic forces,
a cauldron of the primordial,
a vessel of vitality,
the origins of ideation.

Who says I have no friends?
I am extremely close to my dear ones;
anxiety, worry, anger, fear, and sadness.
It is through the intense intimacy I share with these vibrations of gestation and formation,
that I have become;
an alchemist of heartbreak,
an empath of trauma,
a keeper of despondency,
a sentinel of sadness,
a guardian of misery,
an attendant of anxiety
a custodian of chaos
a shepard of suffering.

Cloudy days,
dark nights,
access you will find here,
A seed of hope,
light incubated in the darkest darkness,
a path forward,
expansion into pain,
acceptance of what is,
a passage through chaos,
a portal to peace.

Lay your troubles down,
it is ok to leave them here,
be courageously cathartic,
purge you're neurosis and fantasy onto the floor.
You were the one to picked them up, now lay them down!
Add your ingredient to the soup,
into the swirling abyss,
a infinite source.
Where form dissipates,
into the origins of its emptiness,
The Animated Bellows.

The yellow leaves fall slowly into the waiting river below,
to be swept away by time. 
The breeze oscillates, 
one moment warm, 
the next cool,
exhale, 
inhale. 

The line between two worlds narrows to invisible, 
life closer to death.

Pine needles fall like teardrops.

Golden light, the mixing of opposing forces,
illuminates the underbelly of the foliage lifted by fall winds. 

Translucent the forest canopy becomes revealing both it’s vitality and diminishment, 
tide together on a ever shrinking seem. 
through the lens of death life is only beautiful, essential, and poignant. 

Walking with a ghost like soul.
Love and loss,
Marry in the fall.

We enter the world empty and without names or definitions.  We inherent the consciousness of those who came before us.  We define life as they defined life.  Our ability to pass on what we learn is one of our greatest strength as a species, to teach our young the dangers of this world, we attempt to prevent much suffering.  In this process we rarely stop to challenge the most fundament aspects of our culture and worldview, we instead focus on the policies and procedure of survival.  What are these perspectives behind our language and collective consciousness of a culture and how do they define our reality?  Strengths are coupled with weakness and blindsides, as light is coupled to dark.

We live in the most “advanced” society and culture in human history, however we still approach life from a dogmatic singular point of view. We limit our perspective to one. It is clearly understandable why quantitative materialism has been given such a dominant place in our culture. It arose out of an age of superstition, fantasy and hysteria. It offered a concrete view of the world and provide incredible tools for our survival.  It allowed us to ignore the mystery and proceed with the great vigor of ambition. What was left in it's shadow? What other aspects of life have been ignored because they do not fit into the materialistic quantitative view of the universe? 

With great light there will always be shadow.  With the light of materialism we ignored our emotional and spiritual intelligence, our greatest strengthens. Locking them in a tomb of darkness and ignorance. Qualities of self-understanding, meditation, wisdom, humility, benevolence, curiosity and compassion have all but been lost.   We wear masks of strength and accomplishment to hide our vulnerability, innocence and insecurity.  What we see now is a world where everyone is afraid to speak from their hearts, we perceive our vulnerability as weakness and our insecurities as singular not understanding their universal nature. We carry the great burden of trying to be perfect. Rational thought has isolated and imprisoned us in a spiritual impotence.

It is time to illuminate the shadows. To embrace holism. To approach life from multiple perspectives, with both an understanding of the rational physical world as well as the“irrational”or emotional sensation-based world of experience, the here and now.  Spinning between light and dark, the intermingling of heaven and earth, balance will always be found. 

If one chooses a strategy of mental and spiritual health one commits to a winning strategy.  It is from the mind that all choice and decisions are made. A healthy mind is the only path to true health. The spiritual journey is the acceptance of the inevitable; change, impermanence, disease, deterioration, loss and death.  Once freed from the illusion that we are permanent we are able to respect life and find joy and happiness in every moment, the present is all there is. The past is lost to us forever and the future is yet to reveal itself. The here and now is all there is, so if alive then live.

This is a strategy that cannot fail.

Life is a story of hardship,
of great challenge.
To find consciousness in a world of noise, competition, and a bloody history.
We struggle to remember this process,
repeated thousands of times,
in total amnesia,
to cling and release,
to love and to lose.

We bath in stories of constant struggle and tragedy.
Denial of the inevitable, our dwelling place, deep fear the price we pay for this Naïveté.
Worst case scenarios, a station we can not tune out.
A tired tale of endless irony,
fatalism and fantasy,
followed without end or question.
Our story has yet to be written,
despite it haunting familiarity.
If only we could only remember!

Life a gift of unimaginable wonder,
given only to be taken,
a heart beating with a fiery joy,
will cease into quiet cold stillness.

Trauma,
Aging,
Disease,
Death,

Gifts never to be given.

Harsh lessens told over and over through thousands and thousands of years,
Transporters of truth,
Carriers of silver linings,
Envoys of enlightenment,
Teachers of equanimity,
Preachers of peace,
Guides of acceptance,

Gifts beyond compare.

Often found only in tragedy and crisis,
why do these teachers have to be so harsh, relentless, and severe?
Filled only with anguish?
Consumed only with sadness?
Masters of misery.

How else will we see truth and put down this jeweled cup?
How else will we forsake the telescope and pictures of the past?
How else will we face impermanence?
Why would we look inward,
towards our sorrow,
when the flowers are still in bloom?
Why would we choose to look there on this beautiful day?
Why would we let go of this pleasure, before it is called back to truth?
Is growth not a product of discomfort?
Why would we trade these comfortable illusions for pain?

Mistaking pleasure for happiness,
comfort is the birth place of our apathy.

Yes, yes the Golden treasure is hidden behind our well constructed tower of illusion,
the castle of I and Me is well guarded,
defended by desire,
guarded by pain,
secured by aversion,
hidden by craving,
jailed by the delusion,
camouflaged with expectation,
isolated by ignorance,
imprisoned by pleasure,
sentinels possessing endless vigilance,
fueled by constant attachment.

Insight, acceptance, equanimity the only safe way through.

This golden path, illusive,
malleable and moving,
Requiring continual navigation,
path finding,
silver linings are hard to find,
difficult to see.

When we collide with suffering,
the treasure is often missed as we wallow in disappointment and the endless injustice.

This is not fair! We scream into the emptiness of the night!

We fail time and time again to accept,
to really accept!
that these lives are not ours to keep,
our plan not always our path,
That the pain we feel we are active in creating!
There is no absolution,
only acceptance, renewal, and grace.
The scars and stains cannot wash be washed away,
only transformed into insight, acceptance, growth and light.
Redemption is hard won and never given.

We will crash into suffering at some point in life or over the coarse of generations of lives.
This cold reality has the capacity to awaken,
to clear cluttered shackles of the mind.
Fog of ignorance vanishing,
colliding into the chasm of truth.

Suffering in the end is the gift itself,
leading the way to truth and to freedom.
Only a joy embedded with sorrow is everlasting.

The gift you would never give.

Step out of the nosies, the competition and bloody history,
let pass,
the mechanism of oppression,
the ingrained self sabotage,
the doubts that holds back the heart,
the denial of fear,
let pass,
insecurity, as individual trait, failing to see its universal origin,
the illusion of our “separation”,
leaving us exposed. 

electromagnetically bonded,
consciously connected,
the line between me and the world, imaginary.

See it for what it is!
Oh! this suffering is the gift!
Sit with it.
Be with it.
It is you!
Sooner or later we must all pass over this divide,
diving into the unknown,
into humility of our perpetual ignorance,
layer after layer,
lesson repeated,
repeated,
repeated,
repeated,
smilingly infinity!
Oh the endless lessons,
Lessons endless!

The gifts you would never give.

The treasure is growth,
Growth of awareness,
Growth of acceptance,
Growth of consciousness,
Untangling the energy of the universe.

To feel powerful feelings and not react,
to feel disappointment without despair,
to melt stagnancy of opinions and beliefs,
to break with habit and routine,
to dissolve expectation through acceptance,
to set down this heavy burden, our constructed identity,
to love completely, accepting loss,
to experience connection and disconnection as the same moment,
to see that death is essential to life,
arising and passing,
in slow rhythmic metronome,
Singularity.

To live life with death!
Can you imagine?

To discover,
the autobiographer of this suffering,
the note taker of scars,
the annotators of accomplishment,
the machinery of self-imprisonment.
To vanquish,
the hungry ghost of addiction and habit,
to harness the mind, the wild beast,
perpetually thrashing in the past and the present.
The controller is the controlled,
The observer is the observed.

Oh! To be free of time!
 

To understanding the meaning of MY Life is not the goal,
but to understand life,
the way of nature,
the ebb and flow.
To finally learn,
that this is not all about me!
Gifts were not given to be hoarded,
given so we may serve,
care, understand, comfort, guide,

HERE IS THE WATER!!!

Liberate entangled energy,
unify, two blending back into one.
Origin.
The evolution of humanity,
Spirit over flesh,
Connecting to the energy that is the source of life and death,
over and over and over again,
The Breathing Force,
inhale exhale,
life death,
inhale exhale,
life death
arising passing,
arising passing,
on the very same scale,
perspective solely responsible for the divide,
expansion, contraction,
vibration.

To think this is all a prescription of meaningless cruelty is only despair.
To think we can posses the mystery is only fantasy.
All we can do is pay attention to the movement,
the sensation of experience,
free of judgement,
free of reaction,
fastened to the fluctuation,
changeless change,
one with life,
one with death,
A simple river flowing forward.
We can really live a life of freedom.
instantaneously!
without seeking!
without striving!
Quiet,
Equanimous,
Observation,
Here we are.

We can not create the rules, we can only learn to find the way.

There is no right way,
there is no wrong way,
there is only the way.

This, the gift you would never give.

We the living must remember, perspective is the only change.

Death will never be easy viewed from the perspective of this physical emotional reality, from here we will only see loss, sadness and fear. 

To understand death is to become aware of the deepest aspects of life, to commune with the universe, without boundary. 

The most significant aspects of our connection to others are not physical, we connect energetically, spiritually. 

Our most meaningful qualities, even in life, can never be held or contained. 

We connect with others through the shared tenderness of the empty chambers of our hearts, which holds the light of the universe, a single source. 

These shells are only illusion. 

True love remains universal, 
always in the free flow, 
without a trace of limitation, restraint, or entanglement. 

Death seen from here is only change, our love is shared in a plane that has always transcended the physical flesh. 
We have always been connected there - eternally. 
We never possessed anything, so we have nothing to loss.

From here we already know what death is.

To be whole, 
we must accept that life has two sides, 
we must see that these sides are only reflections of the same thing, 
one follows the other,
tied together along an unbreakable seam,
inseparable,
indivisible,
there are two sides, balancing a single whole.

To be whole we must unify; 

gain and loss,
joy and sorrow,
fear and wisdom,
triumph and failure,
sadness and gratitude,
highs and lows,
pleasure and pain,
light and shadow.

To be whole, we must blend opposites into a swirling wonder without preference or expectations.
To be whole, we must unify good and bad into a complete experience of life’s dynamic gift and hefty burden.

To be whole we must break down our mind’s fragmentation, 
the chasm between possession and freedom, 
the divide between what we feel we deserve and what we have,
the fracture between what we think should be, 
and the acceptance of WHAT IS. 

Objective awareness and compassion are the only cure for this wretched wound and this great divide. 

To be whole we must live a life with both the darkness and the light, as they are our origin and structure.
Two sides of a perfect whole.

We are a product of love which holds joy and pain together with grace.

From an open wound,
I birthed the doe.
In gentle meekness,
From a bloodied wounded form,
A uterus liver
No longer imprisoned by toxins
no longer chained to poison. 
Ethereal spirit evolving, 
Growth.

Solid hoofs bending elastic flesh,
The vacuum of birth.

The feminine,
Celestial Soul,
Innocence,
Vibration,
Combustion,
A spiritual fetus.

I tired to hide,
Shy and guarding,
Seeking protection,
desperate for cover,
Shame remains from self-sabotage and hypocrisy, 
Shielding this innocence born from tragedy, my grace found from folly. 

Scared to share this subtlety into this mechanical existence, into this world of names, definitions and knowing.
It would make others uncomfortable....
upsetting the balance of apathetic comfortable ignorance...
my ultimate insecurities of exposure,
limiting growth, fear.

I turn my back to their glaring eyes,
hiding this beauty,
holding back to keep the peace and protect the innocence of the newborn doe.
The doe brings affirmation and direction. "Come, flee to the forest, this world is no longer for you", she screamed with her quiet tear-filled eyes. 

Once the deer was freed from my shell, I crawled humbled to mend the still bleeding wound....back into the world.

Thought is always entangled in the past or enticed by the future. It can never be in the present. To look at a flower or into the eyes of your lover without objectification, memory, clinging, aversion, categorization, judgement or definition- this is the state of meditation. Where the senses perceives the great impermanence without a trace of thought, without craving or aversion.

Wind, the great billow of the universe, fills the curtain,
Blowing clear the barrier between life and death,
between those still consuming and the one who is ceasing to be.
Opening the veil separating matter and the ethereal.

For a single moment the two realms are one.
The living feel death.
The dying sipping life for the last time.
Winds swells across the borderline in rhythmic oscillation.

The door is closed,
The wind settles,
The curtain falls,
The separation returns,
We are left,
The one has been taken.

Surviving the tide

Waxing waning,
Sunrise sunset,
Joy pain,
Love struggle,

Connection Disconnection,

Subtlety shifting silently in the night
Connection slips away with each exhale
Fluid abundance replaced by a dry parched land
A farmer wakes to find bitter fruit in his fields
An instantaneous mysterious fall from mountain top to valley floor

Your tears not enough to fill the void
Your words like feathers against stone
Your pleading unanswered
Your begging falling on deafened ears

The agony of time revealed
Patience tested, lost at sea
Flesh rotting in the desert sun
Impatient ignorance denies the inevitable return
Destitute hopelessness
We thrash unwilling to learn the cycle
Frantic to return to the sea of love

tide in tide out
tide in tide out
tide in tide out
tide in tide out…

I am swept away by the emotional wind,
Burdened by beauty,
Liberated by despair,
Movements come in violent waves,
Cascading in subtle trickles,
Drowning in love,
Tethered by thought,
Freed by sensation.

I hold a piercing glaze that penetrates
Stories and Scars,
To reveal a tender vulnerability,
The very seeds of consciousness,
covered and oppressed by the machinery of control, distraction, disconnection, and survival.

A forest of untapped possibilities,
Imprisoned by the fear of the discomfort that comes with growth and truth.
Potential expires with each reaction,
Hope fades with each rationalization,
Time constantly covering another layer over our tomb.
Despair grows exponential over the generations, an addiction of unseen habit. A mechanism of our own design.

Serenity of our surrender is our most tender, beautiful, and potent act.

We are all searching for meaning in our lives. We ask ourselves, What is the purpose of my life? Why am I here? We answer; I will have meaning when I achieve this or I attain that. I will have meaning when I find the right job, the right profession, the right relationships, the right material objects, the right understanding, the right experience… The answer we give is one of projection of what we think we need to become, so we can posses “meaning”. We create an illusionary place in the future where we will find this ultimate fulfillment and meaning.

This is the greatest trap we lay for ourselves as it actually robs our lives of meaning and fills it with anticipation, angst, dis-satisfaction, dis-appointment and misery.

Life is always moving, never is it static. The “meaning” of our lives therefore must move with life. There is no destination where all is complete, life is always flowing forward. The “meaning” of our lives is found by finding the meaning of each moment, not in a fantasy built in the distant land of the future, a land of acomplishments, that can never be reached.

What is the meaning of my life in this moment? Why am I here in this moment? What can I learn? How can I be completely present in this moment?

This approach guarantees a life full of true meaning.

The endless wheel,
Continuously moving,
Do not get caught in a single spoke,
Do not lose perspective.
Fixating on the small world of me and mine,
We miss the larger movements,
The flowing dance between life and death.
No single life defines this process,
No life stands out,
Not yours,
Not mine,
Turning,
Turning,
Turning.
We grasp and cling,
The flow is passing us by,
Leaving us entangled,
Trapped in the past,
Ensnared by the future,
We are missing right now.
This thief steals our lives,
While we are distracted rationalizing who we think we are,
While we plan who we will become,
While we reminisce who we once were.
Suffering needlessly,
Frantic with lust for control,
Definition,
Meaning.
It is not your sadness to possess,
It is not your tragedy alone,
It is universal,
It is a gift we all must share,
Samsara.

Let me see you for the first time, again.
Flowers I must forget you,
Your beautiful eyes I must not remember,
Do not let me take your glory for granted,
Do not let me define this mystery,
This sunset is always the first,
Taste sweetened by renewal.
Empty the mind,
Defy opinions,
Challenge belief,
Erode nostalgia,
Familiarity breads contempt,
Stare each time with wonder,
With the freshness of the first time,
Wide eyed child.

To breathe in deeply, the fragrance, rich with awe and expansion,
To let go,
To forget,
To experience the flower anew with each glance,
This is the first time I have seen you,
We have known each other for many many years,
A flicker flame,
Falling pedals,
Blooming blossoms,
You renew with each passing instant,
Arising passing.

Only our insecurity,
Makes us fill the emptiness,
The pressure to speak,
The burden to be heard,
only fear makes us label,
“I know,
I belief,
I understand.”

We are stuck, trapped, in an endless circle, we claim to understand,
we profess we know,
with foolish certainty,
projecting a confidence compensating for a shaking foundation,
a castle built on sand,
a knowing within ignorance,
stagnantly defending,
We do not grow when we know!
There is no limit or end to our universe, conversely therefore there is no limit to the ignorance of humankind.
“I do not know” is the gateway to god.

The mind of a child,
An infant old man,
Innocent and empty,
Experience is fresh,
Unlearned,
Undefined,
Unshackled,
Continual psychological death,
The gateway to renewal,
To a life of beauty and gratitude,
To perceive without organization,
Experience without judgement,
Feel without reaction,
Love without end.
Oh beauty,
i will meet you again,
for the first time.

We can not save them,
We will continue to serve,
We know life is meaningless,
We will pursue meaning,
We accept the futility,
Defeat we will never ever welcome,
We keep moving,
Free of delusion,
Free of illusion.
Death, the great awakener,
Our muse!

The naked tribe of the vulnerable,
We will shelter,
We will hold them close,
The rawness in their eyes,
Holding the pain of the heart,
Trembling shaky tenderness,
Vibrations,
Sensations,
Feelers,
Haunted,
Addictive empaths,
We know this all too well,
We have travelled for so long.
We dwell here now,
in the dark pain of the human soul,
in the absurdity of human life,
The collective consciousness.
Deconstructing conditioning,
Moving the hand of evolution,
Transmuting light from the darkest depths,
Hope from hopelessness.

My heart feels broken,
Love and light is spreading outward from its jagged edges directed towards your broken heart,
Feel me brother!
Feel me sister!

They will not reach out for help,
As they sink,
Into the anguish,
Drowning,
Suffocating,
Stifling oppression,
A suffering complete,
Total eclipse of light,
Cut off completely,
Lost without knowing,
Navigating without compass,
Fixated without context,
Fragmented,
Delusion,
Illusion,
Addicted,
Shattered,
Entangled,
Wandering lost without connection.
They will not reach out for help,
We must swim down to them,
We must reach out in boldness,
In total raw honesty,
We have been there,
Exposed and trembling,
Cold and frightened,
We know where you are,
It is ok,
You are safe,
Come with me,
We will walk together,
While you gain your balance again,
It is no bother,
This is why I am here,
This is the purpose.

The line that tethers us is infinity thin,
razor sharp,
unrelentingly harsh,
ever present,
this is all happening!
We are the witnesses,
We are the shepherds of these borderlands,
We are the guardian of this boundary.
We are the ghosts of this realm,
One foot in each world.

Around and around we go,
Love and loss,
Laughter and tears,
Joy and sorrow,
Life and death,
Arising and passing,
We can not save them,
We will continue to serve.

Love only to lose,
Lose knowing you loved.
~ Metta